Grady Gallagher | Blogger

“Grady, your last blog has to make me cry from either sadness or tears of joy. I don’t care which. If you do, I’ll buy you a burrito.”
-Greg S.

GG: Well Greg, that’s a tall task, but I’m willing to do just about anything with a burrito on the line!

Welcome back to the Final Blogdown. It’s that time already folks, the time that we’ve all been waiting for. The. Last. Melon…… I mean blog……… I meant blog.

As I sit here and think about what to write, how to finish, how to embarrass Weeden, and my thoughts drift back to other texts, emails, snapchats, instant messages, and faxes I’ve received lately. So…. I guess we’ll finish this thing with mail time!

(As always, these emails are from actual readers. Like, real, 3-D human beings.)

“What does it feel like to be almost graduated?”
-Robby B.

GG: Well G, I can’t quite put one word on it as a description. It’s kind of like a kick off return. Let me explain as we go through a simulation in the mind of Devin Hester, the greatest kick returner of all-time. (I wanted to put Dante Hall, but @MonteDeuce would’ve killed me.) Tell ‘em Devin:

1. “Catch the kick.” (This is the beginning of college. Try to block out the crowd going nuts.)
2. “Start running and look for a seam.” (This is the beginning of college, finding friends, and trying to fit in.)
3. “Always avoid the first hit or tackle.” (This is the initial homesickness/trouble/bad feelings/poor grade that hits you after a month away from home. You’ll rarely remember these missed tackles at the end of the journey, but they are the foundation. Ninety percent of kickoff returners in the NFL make the first guy miss and that’s why they do what they do.)
4. “Make a couple more guys miss, find some space, and at least one blocker who can get out in front.” (This is the grind of sophomore and junior year. Just keep your head on a swivel, keep grinding, and don’t become friends with a tennis player, because, odds are, tennis skills don’t translate to good run blocking.)
5. “Down to 1 or 2 guys. If I get tackled by the kicker, I’ll never hear the end of it.” (This is that last obstacle you have to overcome before graduation. It might be student teaching, it might be passing a class, and it might be beating the cocky freshman in intramural softball to win back-to-back championships. Just do whatever you’ve got to do to get it done.)
6. “I’m in the clear. I’m gonna score. Oh hey, that’s me on the video screen.” (There will come a point when you see the finish line with nothing as obstruction. I’ve only had two better feelings in my life: Watching Paul make state baseball and my sister, Ellen, make state basketball.)
7. “Touchdown! What celebration should I do?” (You’ve made it. This is graduation. What celebration will I do on stage? Easy choice: the Cupid Shuffle.)

Yo G, I have two finals on Thursday. How much horse crap is that?
-Sean M.

GG: Be happy you have two more years here, Sean. I am impress with your word choice of “horse crap.” Most college males would’ve said worse.

What was your best memory from your time at BV?
-Jack J.

That’s a great question Jack. I’m not sure if I could pin point only one thing. Winning the conference title at Dubuque is up there. Also up there is announcing Beaver baseball games and choosing the songs played in between innings.

Person at BV you’re most likely to see in a Walmart somewhere in 25 years?
-Paul G.

(Takes hands off keyboard.) (Drifts into deep thought.) Brady Illg. My question is will he be shopping or working?

I can’t wait until Saturday! Then I never have to see my roommate again!!!!
-Tyler K.

GG: (Pauses) (Rereads who the email was from) …… Oh.

I like the Dubs chances against the Rockets, G. I never thought Steph Curry would reach the level to be the MVP of the NBA. I had never even heard of him before this year because I was following my boy, Craig Brackins, who was still trying to make the league. Surely you haven’t owned his jersey since high school?
-Kyler H.

GG: You just won’t let this Craig Brackins thing die will ya?

Grady, rank each member of our suite in order from who you think will get married first to who will get married last.
-Cole D.

GG: FINALLY!!!!!!

1. Weeden- Has serious girlfriend and plans to climb Mt. Olympus to propose to her. Shoot, I think that was supposed to be a secret.
2. Me- Very optimistic.
3. Drake- Cole may be able to talk him out of it.
4. Sav- Good court vision……. Will wait for the right girl…….. Hope I get invited.
5. Cole- Once he gets over the “I’m never getting married” phase, he’ll probably move in with Grant and Halie Wright.
6. Sweet T- Has a serious girlfriend and she’s probably unhappy for this ranking. Well, hate to break it to you E, but he ain’t about to get down on that knee because he bet me 12 burritos after lifting this year that he’d never squat or lunge again……..

One of my teachers assigned an 850 page paper due by the time school starts next year.
-Jarod J.

GG: Better than 851 pages. Glass is always half-full, Juhl.

Hey G, how about a shout out for the two bombs in the IM softball championship, eh?
-Bob I.

GG: You bet Bob. Those were BIG TIME.

What am I gonna do without you next year, G-money?
-Derek S.

GG: Um, Schwartz, you’re graduating too…. But we can still grind. #GrindFathers

If you had to use a song to describe your college career, what would it be?
-Nick C.

GG: Don’t know if one song would do it, bud. Freshman year: Work Out by J. Cole. Sophomore year: Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco. Junior Year: Mirrors by JT or Who Let The Dogs Out by the Baha Men. And Senior Year: Your Love by the Outfield.

Lord Gallagher, someone with high moral standards, daunting expectations, and super cool hats like me has yet to even whimper a chuckle and any single point in this stupid blog. Crimeny. I mean, I am the Beaver yielding the most iron from this entire year. I have sent my chariots of fire yonder these lands to see that your head be removed from the rest of thine body and you fingers be smelted into an Eric May bobble head.
-Sir Kyle Robert Weeden Jr. the Second

GG: I’ve never been called “Lord” before….. but I think that piece of parchment will wrap this thing up. It’s been a great ride! Thanks to Courtney Van Haaften and The Tack for putting up with me and being awesome! Word on the street is this blog may switch authors. Same last name but looks more like AG….

Thanks again everyone. Wait, I guess I do have one more email here:

“Hey Grady. I enjoyed your blogs. Have a nice life.”
-One of T Kast’s 5th grade students