Elizabeth Heffernan | Co-Copy Editor

Editor’s note: This is a fake article. All facts and quotes are entirely fabricated. Happy April Fools’ Day!

After a few misleading starts and disappointing stops, the word is official. Spring has been cancelled.

Just this past weekend, Mother Nature came out with an official announcement taking spring off the seasonal calendar and creating instead a 3-season year. “It’s more economical this way,” Nature said. “Like all places of employment we have had to decrease our resources. With only three seasons we don’t have to concentrate on balancing the temperatures between winter and summer for an extended time.”

The new seasonal plan is to go straight from winter to summer and thaw everything in one, big heat-wave. There will be no more scattered days with pleasant weather during the months of March and April. The start day for summer will be moved forward, so people will not have to experience an unduly prolonged winter season.

“April 15 will be the new summer start date,” Father Time, Nature’s partner, announced. “After that date, the temperature will not drop below 80 degrees.”

There have been mixed reactions to this announcement. Some people see this announcement as no surprise, claiming it has been in the works for some time now. “It’s nothing new,” meteorologist Debbie Downer said. “Spring has been disappearing for a while now. I’m just surprised they announced anything at all.”

“Spring is my favorite season,” bystander Rose Bloom commented. “It makes me sad that Mother Nature is just going to get rid of it.”

Others were a bit more optimistic by the change of events, including Tanner Planner a local calendar maker. “Now we know exactly when the seasons are going to change and we can prepare for it. No more wearing shorts and winter coats in the same week. We can have an official summer and winter wardrobe.”

With this change come questions about fall, another season many have speculated to be disappearing already. “We have no new information about fall as of yet,” Nature said. “Our decreased resources will have a challenge keeping up with only three seasons but we will do our best.”

“We are not ruling out the return of spring just yet,” Nature said. “But for now, we will be focusing on only the three seasons.” It will be interesting to see how the changes of season will affect other areas, particularly farming. But for now we will just have to wait for April 15 and the official return of summer.