Grady Gallagher | Blogger
Happy Homecoming Beavs!
This week marks another chapter to the legacy of Buena Vista University (BVU) Homecoming week, brought to you in part by BVU Student Activities Board (SAB): from bowling to the midnight movie; from the annual Trivathon to shirts I can only wear when my dad can’t see me; from the Chiefs and Royals winning on back-to-back nights; all sacred parts of this BVU Homecoming week.
Homecoming week also means a king and queen must be crowned. It’s the moment where two individuals take one step closer to immortality. The winner must display excellence in all aspects of popularity, political tactics, and personal hygiene (example: Weeden. It proved costly in the worst way). Or, in my high school’s case, the ugliest, most nerdy kid with the least swag won (king, of course). I still can’t figure out how Paul didn’t win.
So, naturally, I found the Vegas odds for this year’s BVU Homecoming Court (is there anything Vegas doesn’t have odds on?) and broke down each candidates strengths, weaknesses, and chances in this year’s race. I tried to put my biases aside and put the most important things first (hair, experiences I have shared with them, involvement on campus, short-area quickness, Snapchat score, and opinion of the movie Napoleon Dynamite).
Aaron Burns (6.5 to 1)– Got to like Burnsy’s chances this year. An editor of The Tack (ma dude), Student Senate member, and lifelong Chicago Cubs fan. The only candidate I know that will have the title “Homecoming King” TWICE on his resume if he pulls out the victory.
Greg Siebanaller (52 to 1)– The odds are not a typo as Adam Schefner reports no former Liberty Hall resident has ever won the award. Although, Greg is no stranger to defying the odds as a 6’7”, 220 lbs cross country runner and avid show choir member in high school. His shot would’ve significantly improved if Burger King took over coronation and hung a banner displaying the phrase, “Can I get a Big King?”
Seth Woodson (4.38 to 1)– The only candidate whose odds might be the exact same as his 40 yard dash time (Greg’s would be close). Seth’s got to like his chances as the track team is one of the larger on campus, he is an RA, and he cuts his own hair. An upset victory on Thursday night in Flag Football would nearly give him the crown, but the All-Madden Bruhs might have something to say about that.
Peter Winterton (12 to 1)– Another trackster could benefit greatly from the size of his following. You won’t meet a nicer guy than old Petey, unfortunately he’s not around a ton due to his student teaching. For a guy to be gone nearly the entire part of 1st semester student teaching and still make the Fab 5? You know he’s gettin’ it.
Ian Grigsby (8 to 1)– “If you vote for me, you’re voting for an American” was the gutsy slogan put forth by Ian at the beginning of his campaign. What makes it even more gutsy is that every other guy (and girl) in the race is ALSO American. When the baseball pitcher was asked to comment on the slogan he responded, “I always read Fake Bo Pelini tweets to my roommate before bed. Literally, every night.”
So there are your guy candidates for BVU Homecoming Week, brought to you in part by BVU Student Activities Board. Now let’s take a look at the girls whom I know far less about, but I enjoy far more writing.
Beth Weber (14 to 1)– If you can’t find Beth in the science center, in her room, in the serve, or in D.E., then she’s probably somewhere else on campus. Vegas seems to think Beth is the dark horse this year even though her commitment to the Beaver Outdoor Adventure Club and becoming a triple major has been marketed through several Gatorade and Nike commercials.
Maggie Marker (2.8 to 1)– The girl beneficiary of the “Track effect” hopes to “run away” from the other candidates in this race (Why are you still reading this?). I cannot honestly say I’ve ever had a conversation with Maggie. I mean we’ve only been going to the same school for four years, we both play sports, and we both like Justin Timberlake. That’s a common phenomenon right?
Natalie Bellairs (10 to 1)– My only experience with Natalie was in Biology, 1st semester freshman year. Those were the good old days. The days when girls only dreamed of being the Homecoming queen. Four years later, Natalie is only inches from her dream. Hopefully, Rams linebacker, Mike Jones (Who?), yes Mike Jones doesn’t stop her on the one yard line.
Megan Long (6 to 1)– Respect to my colleague and partner in crime as Professor Tim McDaniel’s Academic Assistant. I’m sure Timmy Micky D raves about Megan in class, and I’m sure the voters paid their respects. My advice for Megan…… Full eyes. Clear heart. Can’t lose.
Egypt Clayton (3 to 1)– And last but not least is a fiery redhead who lives in a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by a boiling lake of lava! But don’t let that cool you off. She’s a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Give it up for Egypt Clayton! (Stole this straight outta Shrek.)
Well, there’s your 2014 Homecoming Court. I can’t make a public pick, but I know this will be a tight race. I’ll be waiting anxiously at the finish line.
Have a great homecoming week!
Deuces.
