Kiley Wellendorf | Blogger

I’ve never been sure where passion stems from, but I’d like to think that it develops overtime and is occasionally sparked by different moments in our lives. There are a few things in this world that can cut my breath short, and I have to admit there are people walking on this Earth that make my heart drop the moment I make out their shape beneath the street lights. It’s crazy, really, to think that people, places, and objects can have that effect on us, but I’d like to think it’s us pretending that things never changed and these feelings can instantly bring us back. It simply freezes us in time, and for one second, we were the same kids making jokes in the corner of the room during class or the girl spinning in her prom date’s arms during a slow song. For one second, it doesn’t feel bad to second guess the people you meet once you leave high school, and for one moment it feels fine to want what used to be. It’s crazy–but the type of crazy that keeps you up at night, you know? It’s beautiful.

01. Bloodstream – Stateless
(Last year I mentioned this song, and yet I still find myself crawling back to it.)
Torn down by the ruggedness of Christmas break, I was left without a working ego and a mind that craved magazines, books, and Netflix series. My contacts faded over the moment I began letting myself settle on staring at my phone screen for answers, searching for texts that would do nothing but make me slide my phone screen to blank. It was in that moment that I stumbled across a Netflix series that would revamp (literally) my entire viewpoint of what I was letting myself get used to during those past few days. It’s ridiculous to say that a television show based off of unrealistic characters changed my mood, but the songs that screamed in the background and the passion the characters showed for one another made me realize that it was silly of me to see through black and white. It brought color. A TV show literally brought the color back into my life. It’s funny how one type of distraction can honestly bring you back to reality after sitting in auto-pilot for so long.

02. Bad Blood – Bear’s Den
Greeted by your smiling face, I knew that my mascara stained eyes and faded lipstick wouldn’t phase you at all. There is always a certain glow that continues to follow whenever you walk into a room. It’s the type of feeling that I’ve continued to gape at overtime and also has pushed me back as far as I could go. You would think by this this point that clocks would break whenever we walked into the same room, but somehow time has a way of working with us. It’s all about patience, and it’s all about being willing to grow and move forward – even after everything. So, I grew. You grew. We both grew. We’re not the shy kids we used to be, and we’re not the conceited high school students that crossed off calendar dates in accordance to each other’s schedules. I think the most freeing realization is that even after all of this time, there isn’t even an ounce of hesitation or confusion. It just simply molds back into place and fixes itself.

03. Split Needles – The Shins
We found our place on my couch or curled up on the computer chair that held paint marks, lyrics from permanent markers, and smears from my experiments with oil pastels. I think I always look at you and figure out that you’re still set at such a high standard because you were around when nothing was really going on in my life. We watched television for hours, sat in fast food restaurants for fun, and played music that always skidded past what others were listening to at our age. We experimented with make-up, sang in front of my mirror, dreamed about punk-rock boys falling in love with us, and planned out our friendship for the future. The thing is we both grew apart as time went on; boyfriends, other best friends, new friend groups, new weekend activities, and new television shows. Month after month seemed to be somewhat of a blur because we either found ourselves conjoined at the hip or staring straight ahead instead of mumbling a quiet “hello” in the hallways. Time has always been tough on us, and whenever I think that maybe there isn’t an ounce left that we’re able to squeeze out–I’m brought back to snowy nights at my old house. Where cookie pizzas were common and walking across town for Quiznos was an everyday activity.

I know everyone hates snow, but it reminds me of nothing but crazy anxiety and the happiness I experienced throughout middle school, high school, and even my first year at BVU. The snow brings so much to my plate, and I’m happy that it crowds my mind and pulls me back to the people that I care about the most.

Graphic by Krystal Schulte