Kyle
Dear Kyle,
I have been struggling with relationships for a while. It seems like I have always found myself with a disrespectful guy.
Just recently, a guy asked me to go in the back seat of his car with him on the first date.
It always seems as though guys only want me for sex. I’m not sure if I just come off as that type, or if I’m not worthy of anything else, or if I’m just attracting the wrong type of guys. Every guy I’ve dated uses me.
How do I stop this blatant disrespect?
Sincerely,
Tired of Trying
Dear Tired of Trying,
I think it is necessary to start off my response with three very important things: 1. Relationships are tough, especially in an era where technology allows us to be connected to virtually anyone at anytime. 2. When I read things like this, I become very upset at my gender for using women for their own pleasure. 3. You are worthy of much more than you believe yourself to be.
Our society has established an unnecessary amount of hype around relationships, In reality all that matters is whether or not YOU are happy. There’s nothing wrong with taking the process slow either. Getting to know the person before you go on a date, and establishing a friendship before you establish a romantic relationship.
Another problem you could be facing, is how and where you’re meeting these guys. Tinder, while great in concept, has become a hookup app, rather than a dating or friendship app like it was intended. If you’re meeting guys at the bar while a little tipsy and wearing revealing clothing, this can give off a message to guys you might not want to be giving off. Not saying you’re not allowed to act and dress how you want, that’s not it at all, it’s just that some guys can interpret your actions and clothing in a different way than you intend.
Most relationships flourish on the two people having something in common, and having some of the same interests. So, a simple way to find someone that might share an interest or two, is through your classes here on campus. Another way to find a guy with similar interests is through clubs or groups you are involved in as well.
If you allow yourself to become friends with a guy before dating him, while not foolproof, this can help you gauge if a guy really likes you, or if he just wants sex. If a guy really likes you, he’ll want to get to know you and will want to develop a deeper relationship with you, before asking you out on a date.
Most importantly, when trying to establish a romantic relationship, be yourself. If you have to become someone you’re not for a guy to like you, then he really isn’t worth it, and that will be exhausting for you, having to act like someone else the whole time you’re around him. Be yourself, because that is the most beautiful version of you, and someday a guy will notice how beautiful you really are.
Continue to enjoy life, don’t stress about not having a boyfriend, be yourself, and most importantly, remember that you are worth so much more than you’ll ever believe.
Wishing You the Best,
Kyle
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