Recently I watched and read “The Perks of Being a Wallflower,” and I realized how well it resonated with me, and I found the concept of being on the sidelines in high school as an observer to be relatable. Similarly, whenever I think back to this time in my life, I think about the song “Out of the Old” by Olivia Rodrigo, as I’ve acknowledged the changes that this new environment has implemented on me.

My high school wasn’t the best. People didn’t really talk to each other unless they had to or they were close friends. I didn’t care about what went on there, but it was hard to ignore. When students didn’t ignore each other, they would start drama with people they didn’t like, while I just watched.

This continued until my senior year of high school.

Watching from the sidelines made me feel out of place, which led me to inserting myself into situations I didn’t need to get involved with. It ended up backfiring. From that point, I vowed to not get involved if I had no business to.

Often, I feel like the world owes me something that I know it won’t give me, but it’s so much easier to assume it doesn’t need to give me anything, and I don’t need to make connections only to feel like I’m just passing through. These are the times where the music just stops abruptly before immediately turning back on like it never happened.

However, at the start of freshman year at BVU, I instantly became friends with members of the esports team and suddenly I belonged somewhere.

Sometimes I feel as though people here are too nice. It makes me feel uneasy. I get compliments and immediately shut them down; I gain respect from the simplest of things, and people notice things about me that I barely even notice about myself. I’m not used to this kind of change, but somewhere deep inside, I can hear the music get louder as I get more confident and accepting of how people, especially my friends, see me.

I like to think and reflect a lot while listening to music and on a walk because it eases my mind. This is what I’ve always done whenever I need to think because it’s a constant in my life that never changes. I don’t normally like when things stay the same all the time. I need things to constantly change otherwise life gets boring, even if it can be difficult to adjust, but when it comes to music, I’m content with it being and feeling the same way it always has.

When I think about the future, it’s hard to see much of anything. I don’t know what’s going to happen or why, but I believe that everything that has happened is what was always meant to happen, and the least I can do to secure a brighter future is to chart that path with my own hands.

College has helped me start to see a bright future because I enjoy my time here at BVU and learning about what my majors and minor entail. As a digital media student, I can learn more about content creation, and as a music production major, I can learn more about the mechanisms of music and producing music. I think it’s important that I take advantage of anything I learn at college, not only for my majors and my minor in animation, but the overall college experience.

In the future, I want to be a musician, so I can share my voice and make people happy by writing and singing songs they can relate to, which is something I’ve always known I wanted to do. It’s the only way I truly know how to connect with others, even if I am getting better at making connections and forming relationships.

So, while I don’t know exactly what will happen in the future, I at least know what my ideal future would be.

If I could do it all over, maybe I would do things differently. I would be the kind of person people can lean on and be someone I’m proud of. If ever given the chance, I would probably make more of an effort to learn more about anything I can, so I would be better prepared for the real world.