Babies = Drunk Adults?


Lena Gripp

Lena Gripp, Assistant Opinion Editor

At first, you might think that babies and drunk adults don’t have much in common, but after compiling this list, I’ve found that they might be more similar than you would think. 

The crying 

Let’s start with an obvious one here, the crying.  Babies cry for everything, and when drunk adults get too emotional, they can’t help themselves and the feels come out. 

What do they want? 

Whether it’s babies or drunk adults, sometimes it can be difficult to understand what they want.  This might because either of them because they’re still crying, or they just can’t form words or coherent sentences.  Either way, it’s funny to watch them try. 

 Need help learning to walk 

Babies turn into toddlers, and they’re called toddlers for a reason… they toddle.  Drunk adults can be just as clumsy as a toddler learning to walk.  Toddlers and drunk adults sometimes both need help to get from point A to point B. 

They can’t drive 

Speaking of getting from point A to point B, if they need to be somewhere, babies and drunk adults both cannot drive to get where they need to be without your help. 

 Can’t get their own drinks 

While milk or formula might be the way to soothe a baby’s needs, after a long night out,  what a drunk adult might need is a big glass of water.  But since that water is most likely out of reach, babies and drunk adults will both most likely need your assistance. 

Undesirable bodily functions 

North or south, I think you can probably guess which undesirable bodily functions I’m alluding to here.  Both are common for babies and for drunk adults. 

They’re always hungry 

 Often babies wake up when it’s most convenient for them, despite what their parent’s or caretaker’s schedules are like.  Drunk adults also tend to insist on a middle-of-the-night binge,  usually to somewhere like McDonald’s, Taco Bell, or Perkins because chances are that they’re the only places open late enough when these cravings occur. 

 Laughing for no reason 

When it comes to funny business, babies and drunk adults never fail to begin laughing until they’re all worn out… Even when no one else thinks what’s happening is funny.

They’re easily distracted 

Pointing things out or trying to change the subject works a lot better when someone’s mind isn’t preoccupied with other things.  This makes it a lot easier to distract someone,  be it a baby or a drunk adult. 

They will literally fall asleep wherever they drop 

Babies and drunk adults have something in common when it comes to being too worn out.  They both will sleep wherever they land.  It doesn’t matter if they’re in the strangest positions.  They will drop and stay right where they’re left. 

 You have to put them to bed 

Sending babies and drunk people to bed are pretty similar.  Both babies and drunk adults sometimes need help cleaning up and changing from daytime clothes into their pajamas for the night.  This may be a difficult process, but your help is much appreciated by morning.