Kiley Wellendorf | News Co-Editor

Three-hundred and sixty-five days ago I made the biggest change in my entire life – I decided to be my own person. I was “crippled with exhaustion” (thanks, Blink-182). I was pretty unaware of what was going on around me, and I lived completely in the past. I had no idea what I wanted, like, I was so set on how things used to be that I ignored what was right in front of me. But, what was right in front of me, you ask? Probably someone who will never look at me the same and also a few people who I chose to never look at the same way again as well. Life was pretty bleak, and although I was content with those I spent every waking moment with – I was never happy. In spite of how sad Timehop tends to make me, I feel like the person who showed up on my screen a year ago today is someone who needed to be set free.

01. Song for Zula – Phosphorescent
I stumbled across this movie called “The Spectacular Now” sitting next to a bunch of Indie-discounted movies in Target this summer. Some of the actors were familiar, and even though I had never heard of it before, I decided to give it a try and see how it all panned out. As happy as the movie appeared on text and on the cover – I cried like a baby. (I’m so glad nobody walked in because it was just plain sad.) The movie is about a boy who “lived in the moment” but somehow found a way to hurt and destroy everyone around him. The story was sweet and the music was absolutely fantastic, but I couldn’t help but find traces of who I used to be tangled up in this mess of a character. Here’s the catch: just like I had, the main character found a way to focus on what he wanted in order to make everyone a little happier. In order to do so, he let go of someone he truly loved, quit a job he was fantastic at, and dropped the idea of an “easy ride.” It made me realize that it’s honestly okay to let go – coming from the girl who still holds onto every CD she’s ever purchased. This was a big thing for me this past year and is still something that sits in the pit of my stomach when it gets really late at night. In order to be the better version of yourself – you have to abandon who you once were. So, that’s what I did. I just left.

02. Automatic – Miranda Lambert
I remember the very first football game at Buena Vista University (BVU); I coated my eyes in eye-shadow, making sure to emphasis gold on the creases – (because, blue and gold, right?), and ignored my phone like the plague. This wasn’t really a status I wanted to update nor was it something I wanted to focus on because this one of the first things I would experience as a freshman in college. This was one of the first lessons I learned once I moved up to Storm Lake: your problems will only follow you if you chose to lead the way. I’m not sure if you were able to process it or not, but things were about to change dramatically, and I was ready for it. We talked a little bit, but somehow I managed to make the distance feel like a thousand miles instead of just a few handfuls. I apologize, I really do, but I didn’t want to ruin my first time because of something I no longer had control of. I let you go that day, and I don’t know why it stuck with me, but it was only the beginning of change for the both of us.

03. Robbers – The 1975
Jumping back to before – I’m not sure if you know it or not, but seeing someone you aren’t expecting to run into has got to be the worst feeling in the world. (Even when I try to make plans, I still feel like I can never stop my heart from exploding even before you see them.) I used to have this really bad case in high school where my hands would shake horribly whenever I saw people, and I would absolutely freeze up. It’s funny in college because I never had to worry about seeing people I didn’t want to because they were miles and miles away. (You can only imagine what Thanksgiving break and Christmas break were like. Yikes.) Here’s the catch – even when I made plans to see you, I still found myself holding onto my hands a little tighter than usual. So on one chilly night during break I made the trek to a place I had often found myself spending weekends and school nights. It was frigid outside which meant that it would be colder than usual once we made our way inside. There wasn’t a song that fit the moment, nor was there a clever line I could say, but you and I both knew how difficult it would be. Months had passed by and even though we were silent during those days, somehow it felt like we were spending another night together like we had before. I turned my car off before I could see your face, but even then I knew things were different. (That’s what a few months of silence will do for you, I guess.)

04. Promises – Wiz Khalifa
So I spent a majority of my summer heading to bed pretty early instead of staying up late like I used to. I think this change of pace was such a big step for me because it wasn’t something I had ever really experienced before. I was without a roommate, without my college friends, and mainly without plans. (Thank you, Carroll, for that cold dose of reality.) In the midst of feeling weird about how much free-time I had, I began to do things for myself that I normally wouldn’t do. For instance, I decided to invest myself in books; I bought over 10 books this summer and managed to only read like two. Oops. I started a new routine where I spent every night with my nose in a book until I passed out for the night. Besides my new bedtime ritual, I started to go on walks by myself every night. (This one time I tried to run and literally tripped and face-planted it on Main Street – probably the funniest/saddest thing of my life.) This new taste of freedom also allowed me to see people I normally wouldn’t get the chance to spend time with. (The amount of new people I’ve gotten to know within this past year is absolutely incredible.) So, even though I spent a majority of my summer alone, I was really able to do things for myself that I would have never done before.

It’s been a crazy year and even though my Timehop makes my stomach turn – I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at today.

Graphic by Krystal Schulte